Thursday, August 26, 2010

stuff and thoughts about stuff

ok. so stuff has been happening.

  • i dropped Political Science to do Logic. On the day of the first EXAM. (so my marks would count)
  • was warned that sub-75% scoring would render the rest of the course pretty much useless as there would be little chance of keeping up. this exam was BASIC, peoples.
  • i passed. just. scary times... i get it, i really do, for the most part - it just takes me a reeeally long time. maths-type language has always been that way for me.
  • i have been mega-stressed to the point of visual disturbances (seeing double etc) i have come to the conclusion that this is due to a number of factors:-
  1. i relate more to the post-grads in my classes than the under-grads, mainly due to their similar age. However i am TOTALLY not in their thought-process league and thusly feel horrendously intimidated by those who are, in so many ways, my peers.
  2. 4 yrs of studying in isolation had the benefits of no crowds - i am not a great fan of crowded places. i am tentatively scoping out *quiet* spots in which to hide and concentrate on the matters at hand. this is proving time-consuming and draining.
  3. 4 yrs of 5 diff unis and now a new one...what do they want to see? how do they want to see it? and so on...made the mistake of reading the Philo marking criteria. yikes. my previous High Distinctions would barely merit a Credit grade under those rules. that makes me very very very (irrationally) anxious.
  4. splitting up my life into two totally separate worlds is taking a toll. 'Here' is rural, here is work, professional-in-control kinda stuff; peace and quiet, solitude, opposite body clock. 'There' is the city, noise and people, no rest, no reprieve, the inferiority complexes and competition, up-and-at-'em, but also 'There' is learning and expansion and growth of knowledge.
  5. I barely have any energy for 'relationship maintenance'. and it shows.
  6. i am not running nearly enough.
  7. no yoga for almost 2 months...have so far been unable to find a suitable class at a suitable time for my crazy schedule.
I am pushing on with everything as best I can. The alternative is not an option for me now. I have come way too far to throw in the towel. It's just a steep learning curve I guess.

I'd better be off. I have study to do. ;)


  1. Gah. Sounds super challenging, but I think feeling out of your depth is a common experience when you first get to uni, and then you're adding a bunch of stuff on top of that as well. I'd be surprised if it wasn't hard going.

    It's going back a ways now, but I remember well my first few months at uni (after moving to the city from a small town and tiny high school). I didn't enjoy it at all. I found it hard to make friends and I felt so intellectually inferior to everyone. It was overwhelming.

    But I settled in and got the hang of it and did well. I have faith that you will too, Victoria.

  2. hang in there, sounds like your working as hard as you can. Goodluck!

  3. I know exactly how you feel. University can sometimes feel like it takes over your whole life. People are always going on about the 'uni student life', and I got a lot of this particularly when I was doing my Arts Degree. But I have to day, after working full-time and being a student, working is so much easier. But it will be worth it at the end. And there is always a light at the end of the tunnel: HOLIDAYS!!!

  4. Thinking with a purpose is a time consuming process and also requires a depth of introspection that many people can never commprehend. Each person has their own way of coping with this and as long as you are happy and enjoy the process and moments of inspiration life is a good thing that has moments of challenge to make it interesting.